*Opinions expressed in Letters to the Editor are not necessarily those of The Messenger.
Hey it's Me with a capital M. Some people call me God others say Yahweh, and the multitude of names used by other religions.
I thought it's about time to clear up a whole bunch of stuff about me—when I was born, where I came from…stuff like that. Books, songs, poems, and much ado have been written and spoken that is so far out in left field that I need to clear up before they become part of my mystic.
When was I born? When was I first discovered is more accurate. Well, there's a story behind that. It was yesterday, in cosmic time, when lovely cave wife Adrian said to hubby Arg, "Ubutuu." "Honey, we're out of meat, the kids are hungry, and mother's coming tomorrow. Go out and kill some food.”
"Woopsbitchkum." "Yes, dear."
The winter storm was unusually harsh, and the chance of finding game was nil. But the family needed food, and it was better than staying home rearranging the rocks in the living room in preparation for his
mother-in-law's visit.
Within a quarter mile from the cave, Arg spotted a lone musk ox immobilized by the blinding snow. One clunk with his dad's old legal-sized club, he fell the beast—now destined to be the main course for many dinners to come and a new wardrobe for all. Arg couldn't believe his good fortune. It was the dead of winter, and never had he made a kill this close to the cave.
Back home in their cave and exhausted from the arduous trek, Arg flopped onto his Lazy Rock to catch his breath. Finally able to speak, he said, "I believe that a miracle brought this animal to me at this particular moment in cosmic space and time. “Therefor, forever I will kneel to that unknown power and give thanks for my good fortune." Arg had just created religion, wrote its dogma, and acknowledged my presence.
The following summer, while the family was picnicking a mile or so from home, Mr. Umtbb and his family, from the other side of the mountain, wandered by and, as men do, they began bragging about their hunts.
Arg told about the lone musk ox and said it must have been sent to him by the spirit, “Nopwibve” (I Believe.)
Umtbb said, "Oupolpm siooo wimow michigan. "I know that good things are happening to me because I Know that a hidden dynamic force is smiling on me."
Each man believed that his religion was the true one, igniting a violent bare-knuckle fistfight. Neither wife could afford to have her provider killed, so they broke it up. Inwardly, however, each was proud of her man. Flaunting their furs, they gathered up their broods and trod home. It was the birth of, often deadly, rivalries between beliefs. Each religion and sect is sovereign to its believers. Prejudice, is a mindset, as it is in all matters of life.
Do I reign over other planets? No.
What is my job description; what do I do? Nothing. I don't do anything at all. But I get a lot of “thank yous,” especially from moms and dads after they count the fingers and toes on their firstborn. Apparently they forgot that they did it all by themselves in just fourteen minutes nine months earlier.
On the other side of the coin, I get a bunch of god-damns when soldiers are killed on the fields of battle. Wars are the fault of wanton man. My hands are clean!
Some blame me for death and pain. When one looks at the big picture, he sees that…in the beginning, the earth had clean water, clean air, and fertile land. It was Man who ruined everything. Waste is dumped into rivers and streams, finding their way into our drinking water creating man-made diseases! I gave you clean everything. Man screwed it up!
I hear, “Why did God create cancer, autism, and birth defects?" ” I didn't. Man did, with his flood of unhealthy foods and chemicals, now locked into the human gene pool and forever passed on from generation to generation. Students in chemistry class must wear respirators so they don't breathe mercury fumes, yet it is used in inoculations and is in the fish we eat. What about the pesticides and steroids in the food that cause incurable health problems, even death? Why do I get the blame?
There are those who believe in predestination. Others believe that Man has free will to chose his own path. I think the two sides should form a committee to work it out. People like to be on committees.
People say that I will provide. Wrong. I did not create a wellfare society.
I provided the sun, the rain, and the soil, the ingredients needed for Man to proudly and with dignity, earn his way.
Why do good people die when people like Hitler and others of his ilk live? It’s not my job to stop them.
It's rumored that I have my hand in everything on earth. That means that I allow kids to play with matches and start fires. How about this…children are naturally curious. Firemen save them from a burning house, yet I get the thanks. That’s like giving the band credit for their team winning the game. Let’s start giving praise where praise is due. I do not participate in Man’s life.
Some say that it's my My will that people die. I don't will anything. People wear out as do all living things. Is it my will that a kid kills a liquor store clerk? When a speeding car kills a little girl, some might believe that it’s My will that she died. Try this…wrong place, wrong time.
It is vital to understand that the journey, from birth to death, is all circumstantial. Think back and find that if one link in the chain of events was missing, the outcome would have been different. You didn’t meet that someone special.
Some ask why I allow scientists to create weapons of mass destruction or that I allow an author to write a book that teaches hatred? I don't allow anything. I think that free will thing comes into play again.
For the record, I do not have any power to create good or evil. It's Man who has the power to create the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think that the ostrich is the perfect symbol for Man because of his reluctance to accept responsibility for his own behavior.
“The fault is not in our stars…but in ourselves. Julius Caesar.
I'll go now. I just wanted to clear my name and set the record straight. The next time you think you have troubles think of Arg when lovely cave wife Adrian told him that his mother-in-law was coming for a ten-day visit.
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